Anxious Person’s Guide to Music Festivals
One thing I never leave the house without is panic. The more I know about where I’m going, the less panic I need to shove in my pocket.
As the most anxious person you know, I have somehow attended a gamut of music festivals* without incident. Here’s my guide on what you need, and what to know to keep the anxiety from ruining that concert you way overpaid for.
*daily-entry festivals. I have no camping advice. Check out my guide of What To Expect at Each Fest’ for specific details. The following article applies broadly to all music festivals.
“Victoria, I like you but I’m not reading all this” — Here’s the abridged version:
Bring a bag
The festival organizer website will have posted their bag restrictions. If you can’t find the list in the event FAQ, then check reddit. Drawstring bags are almost never allowed. My sister’s Kavu has yet to be allowed in. You need to go clearer or go smaller. The fewer pockets, the better.
I bought a clear backpack and use it for all my festivals (and most local shows), but if you don’t want to commit $20 to a lifestyle that might end after this one show, I recommend skipping the bag and dressing in cargo pants or pants with deep pockets.*
*you’re going to have to put your I.D., credit card, keys, and chapstick somewhere.
Hydrate
Bring a plastic water bottle you don't care about
Plastic because many festivals have a no-glass rule. If you’re emotionally attached in any way to your stickers or your brand-name water bottle leave it at home. It will get heavy, you will get distracted, you will lose it.
I bring an empty Disani bottle otherwise destined for the recycling bin. I can refill it at the water stations (smaller festivals will have free water at vendor stalls if they don’t have a fill-your-own station) all during the festival. You’ll have to bring your bottle onto festival grounds empty regardless.
Ditch the Camelbak
Unless you’re in a group, you won’t need that Camelbak water bladder. You have to bring that in empty, too. And fairly often, that counts as your one allotted bag. If you’re going in a group and someone else has a real bag, then someone can be your designated Camelbak Keeper (meaning you approach that person and point to your open mouth so they can hand you the communal shoulder strap straw). At all of my festivals, I have felt the Camelbak is unnecessary, and I watched too many people at Hangout Fest struggle with theirs.
I am not anti-Cambelbak. I am saying you need one only in a group setting, and you need to know how to use it before you go.
I’d rather have a bag I can stuff and a water bottle I can refill* than have my water be the only thing I am allowed to carry. Plus, brand-new Camelbaks tend to have a filter you need to remove on first use, which is not something you want to do with 200 people behind you in line staring at you, angry that this is cutting into their turn to fill their water bottle.
My friend Clarke would like me to note that Lunchbox hydration packs come in handy at Lollapalooza. Water refill lines at large or poorly planned festivals can be stressful. Bonnaroo has ample water stations, for example, But All Things Go 2023 had . . .one. For 20,000 people.
*refill lines do take time. At a well-run festival, it won’t take more than six minutes. Plan to refill your bottle long before the next act you want to see. I’ve spent upwards of 30 minutes in a water refill line (All Things Go, I am begging you to add more water stations).
Keep cool
Dollar Tree sells hand fans — both the kind with a lanyard and batteries, and the kind used by geishas and Princess Mia Thermopolis. The idea of getting in the security line unsure if I can bring batteries* gives me too much anxiety, so I recommend the manual kind. And if it breaks, it cost a dollar (ish. Stupid inflation).
Larger music festivals will have a vendor ready to sell you the exact same thing for $30. And, sometimes, men in fur hats who will pay you $100 to borrow your fan for a minute.
*large festivals like Bonnaroo will let you have batteries to light your totems.
If you go to festivals where the venue is on hard-packed dirt, the bandana is for dust.* If you go to any summer festival, the bandana is for wetting down and placing on the back of your neck.
*If you can see the dust, put the bandana over your nose and mouth. This will save you a week of black snot. If you can’t see the dust, but your mouth feels weird after you close it between scream-singing with your favorite band, that’s because dust settled on your tongue while your mouth was open. Bring a bandana.
Need a pashmina?
This large, shawl-like scarf can protect you from the sun, be a jacket when the sun goes down, and — most importantly — become a barrier so you can sit on the ground in between sets. So much time at music festivals is spent getting to a stage early and sitting down for the act(s) that go on before the artist you’re camping out for, or just sitting down as the stage crews between acts set up.
How to Not Faint
I have fainted at concerts before, so trust me on this.
(But also please consult your primary care physician. The below advice is what worked for specifically my body and my blood sugar needs. It does not constitute a medial recommendation.)
Factory-sealed packets of Liquid I.V. are allowed at every festival I’ve been to. They are worth the money. Walmart, Target, and any of the pharmacy chains carry them. Bring two packets per person in your group, and mix it into water. Drink it all day long, but especially if you start feeling lightheaded or getting tunnel vision. It does what Pedialyte does, but you can’t bring Pedialyte into most of these festivals.
Festivals can get crowded fast, and crowds cut off airflow. Standing on your feet for hours, sweating, and getting sardined with strangers can impact your blood sugar without you realizing it. Guzzling Liquid I.V. once you feel yourself in the Danger Zone (vision getting fuzzy or tunneling, unsteady on your feet) has worked for me and my sister in the past. Get food in your system ASAP all the same.
I also recommend bringing in individually wrapped Lifesavers (Dollar Tree) or chewing gum for a quick boost to the blood sugar that can keep you on your feet. The fans who saved me when I fainted at the Anthem gave me Altoids and Extra gum. The key is that the gum cannot be sugar-free.
The candies are to hold you over BETWEEN MEALS. Please eat before you get in the security line, eat again on festival grounds, and one more time a few hours after that. You cannot bring snacks into most music festivals; bring enough money to make sure you can get food in your system.
Do You Wanna Age Well Or Nah?
This section is more about personal choices than survival.
Sunscreen sticks are a gift from god
If you don’t have melanin, you will sunburn on your scalp. Apply sunscreen to your hair part. Wear a hat, or apply sunscreen and a layer of glitter. You can also wear a wig, but that could lead to heatstroke.
As for the sunscreen itself, some festivals are particular about letting you bring in opened liquid sunscreen — even if it meets the size standards listed on their site. I still mourn the used-once $14 bottle of Neutrogena I had to toss in the Hangout Fest security trash can because it “wasn’t factory-sealed.”
If you need to use liquid sunscreen, bring tiny travel tubes — a new one for each day of the festival (in case security confiscates them each day). Otherwise, solid sunscreen sticks have been approved at 100% of the festivals I attend.
Aerosol sunscreens (and bug sprays) are tricky. Often they are prohibited, or need to be a certain size (usually 3.3 oz or less). Stick with the stick. Bug spray before you get on public transportation or right after you park your car on grounds.
Earplugs
I use a cheap pair that came from a giant jar at a hardware store. I’ve met people with custom-made earplugs, and people who don’t wear them at all. Music festivals are LOUD. The stuff on stage needs to reach the back row, which means if you’re near the front barricade you will get sonically blasted. Concerts these days are around 90-120 decibels, which is a problem when anything over 70 decibels can damage human ears.
If you like being able to hear and don’t want to endure a constant a low-grade mic feedback noise from inside your own skull (hello, tinnitus) wear earplugs. You can still hear the entire show, I promise. If you want to hedge your bets, wear at least one earplug.
My neck, my back (footwear)
You will be walking a lot, standing a lot, and possibly running from stage to stage to catch different acts at different times.
Beach festivals may let you go barefoot*, but the shifting sand can cause back pain days later. Doc Martens are fairly supportive, but not ideal for running between stages (or on sand). Your feet are going to swell at the end of the day, so make sure you have a pair of slides or Crocs waiting for you in the car, in your bag, or at the end of the night.
BREAK IN YOUR SHOES IN THE MONTHS BEFORE YOUR FESTIVAL. For big festivals like Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza, thrift a pair of shoes/ plan to use an older pair and expect to toss them out due to wear and mud damage. Do what you can to minimize the fast-fashion festival graveyard.
I have had zero issues using a pair of knockoff Converse with gel inserts. Whatever you choose, make sure they are broken in…or that you packed band-aids.
*Bring a carabiner to keep your flip-flops attached to your backpack/ fannypack.
Very specific fears you can plan for
Porta-potty running out of toilet paper
You don’t get time to check the TP situation before you enclose yourself in a porta-potty, and reaching for that 1-ply festival special and coming up empty-handed in your time of need is…not great.
If you don’t want to worry about having to shake yourself dry when you pee (for those of us with a vulva that ain’t so fun), I recommend wearing a panty liner or pad even if you’re not bleeding. No, menstrual pads don’t always complement the festival ‘fit, but they do ensure you’re dry down there if your porta-potty ran out of paper. Also…you should have hand sanitizer in your festival bag.
Celebrity Sharpie
The bands you’re there to see have favorite bands, too. You could end up in the crowd next to an artist you like — don’t waste the moment! I met one of my favorite bands (The Band Camino) during someone else’s set (Hastings, IYKYK) at a music festival. I’ve had a sharpie on me at every festival since.
Mold
Someone poisoned the water hole — and it’s you. If you are bringing a water bottle from home, bleach it. Wash it with warm soap and water. Use the special straw brushes. Make sure your precious water source isn’t growing or breeding anything before you let it spend days baking in the heat. I had a friend who unknowingly took a dirty water bottle to Firefly and the story of his consequences scarred me for life.
Losing your friends
No, you cannot just text them. The entire population of that music festival is going to be on their phones at the same time. Network outages are an expected part of music festivals (and happened to me at both Bonnaroo and Hangout). Larger festivals let you make totems for this exact reason.
But for smaller festivals, you can either rely on picking a landmark to meet up at after, or you can wear Airtags or other trackers. The bonus: these trackers work if anyone’s phone dies. But once again, the network will impact accuracy, and large crowds will still make location services difficult.